I always used to wish I had an older sibling. It’s exhausting having to experience everything first and with no guidance, while younger siblings will be able to learn from our mistakes.
Reading this as the oldest daughter and child made me so emotional. It's so true that we are so hard on ourselves, that even our achievements and milestones feel like things we are "supposed to do" rather than moments that should be celebrated.
This is profound; I'm not an older sister, but I am an only child and I still found myself relating to a lot of things you said and only having myself to relate and compare to. This was a beautiful read and I commend you for finally sharing it with us!
I think oldest and only are two sides of the same coin, always bearing the weight of being the example. Thanks for reading & commenting! It means so much
This is a beautiful piece, I feel like you so clearly articulated feelings I have been holding deep down in me, and while I have so much love for my siblings, only eldest daughters can understand the pressure that comes with being first. Thank you so much <3
“Once a certain level of expectation and resposibility is placed on your shoulders, it’s hard to let that go.” Thank you for that line. I loved this so much. You deserve the absolute best, you are such a great writer.
Always feeling like you had to keep things together, always being a perfectionist, taking on more responsibility as avoidance for feelings, feeling guilty for moving away and not being there for the younger siblings, and neglecting yourself to the point of falling apart. And as soon as you fall apart it’s a shock, “what happened?”, but then walking it off to keep up the “I got it all together, I’m fine”. Carrying it into adult relationships with friends and significant others, and it feels comfortable because I was never a priority to begin with.
I related to all of this article. It feels good to be seen and to see others who have gone through the same emotions.
As an eldest daughter this really hit home for me. You have to face the storms head-on while your younger siblings get to hide behind you. Thank you for sharing this!
100% it can be so hard to watch them not have to go through the same but at the same time also not want them to have to. Thanks for reading and the comment!
The amount of times i still hear "i never have to worry about you", even recently when I was confiding to mum about the year i've had. I just dont want to have to be the only person that is here for me, its exhausting.
Wow, just stumbled upon this and am so glad I did! I feel seen. I’m an older sister by 2 and a half years (and I love my sister more than anything), but this post highlights the complexities of that very love! It’s hard to put into words but I’m glad you did 🫶🏻
i watch my parents learn from how they handled me and become better parents for my sister and i feel so much relief to know my sister will have good parents because i love her so much but i also feel so much grief for myself to know i will never get the same. the joy outweighs the pain, but the pain stays all the same.
Right? I see my younger siblings get everything they want (within reason) and I’m so happy for them but it stings knowing I never got that and never will now so I totally get you. Thanks for sharing 💕
I always used to wish I had an older sibling. It’s exhausting having to experience everything first and with no guidance, while younger siblings will be able to learn from our mistakes.
Ugh yes, me too! I always wanted an older sibling as well
Reading this as the oldest daughter and child made me so emotional. It's so true that we are so hard on ourselves, that even our achievements and milestones feel like things we are "supposed to do" rather than moments that should be celebrated.
You put that perfectly. Yeah we definitely are our harshest critics
This is profound; I'm not an older sister, but I am an only child and I still found myself relating to a lot of things you said and only having myself to relate and compare to. This was a beautiful read and I commend you for finally sharing it with us!
I think oldest and only are two sides of the same coin, always bearing the weight of being the example. Thanks for reading & commenting! It means so much
Same here
This is a beautiful piece, I feel like you so clearly articulated feelings I have been holding deep down in me, and while I have so much love for my siblings, only eldest daughters can understand the pressure that comes with being first. Thank you so much <3
yes, it’s such a weird feeling. Thanks for reading & relating 🫶🏼
I’m an oldest daughter now raising an oldest daughter. This is a great reminder to keep trying to do things differently for her xx
I’m so glad you found this. Sounds like she’s very lucky to have you as a mom
Thank you, what a lovely thing to say xx
Thank you for mentioning nesta(a character who I relate to so much as an elder sister) mostly her rage and her journey to become a better person.❤️
You and me both. She has my heart as an older sister trying to be better too
“Once a certain level of expectation and resposibility is placed on your shoulders, it’s hard to let that go.” Thank you for that line. I loved this so much. You deserve the absolute best, you are such a great writer.
thank you so much
Always feeling like you had to keep things together, always being a perfectionist, taking on more responsibility as avoidance for feelings, feeling guilty for moving away and not being there for the younger siblings, and neglecting yourself to the point of falling apart. And as soon as you fall apart it’s a shock, “what happened?”, but then walking it off to keep up the “I got it all together, I’m fine”. Carrying it into adult relationships with friends and significant others, and it feels comfortable because I was never a priority to begin with.
I related to all of this article. It feels good to be seen and to see others who have gone through the same emotions.
Everyone, do something for yourself today.
You nailed it. It’s so hard to put yourself first when all you’ve ever known is to be responsible for everything
As an eldest daughter this really hit home for me. You have to face the storms head-on while your younger siblings get to hide behind you. Thank you for sharing this!
100% it can be so hard to watch them not have to go through the same but at the same time also not want them to have to. Thanks for reading and the comment!
The amount of times i still hear "i never have to worry about you", even recently when I was confiding to mum about the year i've had. I just dont want to have to be the only person that is here for me, its exhausting.
I relate to that so much! I hope we all find the people we deserve 🫶🏼
Wow, just stumbled upon this and am so glad I did! I feel seen. I’m an older sister by 2 and a half years (and I love my sister more than anything), but this post highlights the complexities of that very love! It’s hard to put into words but I’m glad you did 🫶🏻
I’m glad you found it. Thank you for reading and the comment 💕
I loved it. I have a older brother even though it's about sister I felt my brother's responsibility too .
Definitely applies to brothers too! Thanks for reading!
this was such a heart wrenching read and really made me think - you write so wonderfully!
Thank you so much! That means so much to me 🫶🏼
i watch my parents learn from how they handled me and become better parents for my sister and i feel so much relief to know my sister will have good parents because i love her so much but i also feel so much grief for myself to know i will never get the same. the joy outweighs the pain, but the pain stays all the same.
Right? I see my younger siblings get everything they want (within reason) and I’m so happy for them but it stings knowing I never got that and never will now so I totally get you. Thanks for sharing 💕
Wow wow this made me cry I have never felt so seen before. Your words are magic
Accidentally commented instead of replied and just noticed but: You are definitely seen and understood 💕 thank you so much for reading and the comment
I’M SOBBING AT 1 AM BECAUSE OF YOU. but thank you for writing this, it’s everything i’ve tried to say but didn’t have the words for.
Thank you for taking the time to read it! It means the world to me that it touched you that much